A Wish Be Granted

Well, it's nice to be back full swing in the blogging world- I just wish I had more to say at this point. I'm barely working at a job that promised me hours and waiting to hear back from another (Tuesday!). While my friends talk about their exciting internships and summers filled with travel and adventure, I am stuck on Timber Lane not doing much of anything.

This summer has not been a bust- I've been to New Hampshire, Syracuse, Pleasantville and Rhode Island. That's pretty impressive. But mostly, I've just been sitting in Connecticut.

But I will stop moping. Yesterday was probably the best day I've had in a while here. I got my hair cut and got bangs- something drastic and different to keep my spontaneous self alive. Then my mom and I had a bit of a girls day, shopping around the mall and day dreaming about iPhones. After dinner, my friends invited me to a get-together in Woodbury, and I decided to ask my brother to come. Strangely, he agreed, so we took the 45 minute trip out there to go see my high school friends. It was an experience- to say the least. My brother got to see who I am when I'm around my friends- which is completely different than sit-at-home-and-be-bored Me. We got into some crazy conversations about our family, and the past. At the end of the night, he told me "I finally understand you". Sadly, the only problem now is I'm not sure I fully understand him yet. I guess time shall tell on that one, and maybe this summer will be more about getting in touch with my roots than anything else.

Just This Once

I sat there feeling something, as we drove down the familiar roads. The sun was in the moments before setting, and a yellow glow was cast throughout the car. I could feel every dip in the old road, and with every bump Kate's sleeping head would jerk and readjust on my shoulder. It felt.. calm. And then Lauren looked to me and said, "Do you realize that this is the last summer vacation we will ever have?"

And I knew she was right, of course. I have thought about it- somewhat subconsciously. But Lauren saying it, in that moment, just made me really think about it. We were headed back to her house after a full 24 hours of fun and reckless behavior. We had partied the night before, deep into the early hours and nearly "Breaking the dawn". We then all woke up way too late with major hangovers and decided to go on a hike and swim at a local river. And then get ice cream. So here we were, driving back, exhausted and feeling the pain from our hike. Half the car was drifting off into sleep as Matt fully controlled the music. It was calm, sweet, fleeting.

The Usual Suspects

I expect change, constantly. I expect myself to make things happen, to be spontaneous and to change my way of life. But something about being home just makes me fall back into old routines, old frustrations and old ways of life. But such is hometown life.

This summer I have been adamant about making things happen and retaining my spunkiness, even in the face of a boring summer. I landed a nice catering job, have been hanging out with my friends near daily and have already gone on some ridiculous road trips. I think I'm breaking out of the funk.

But I seem to be alone.

When my mom moved back to Cheshire, it was to be with her mother- my ailing grandmother. She came her to be a nurse, to provide company and to rebuild her relationship with her mother. Things I can totally respect. She uprooted her family once again to take care of her mom. But I'm worried she isn't taking care of herself. It's a routine, every day. The same routine. Wake up at 6 a.m. Go to work until 5. Come home. Watch the news with Mom. Eat dinner precisely at 7. Walk the dogs. Watch a movie with Mom. Fall asleep. Repeat.

I came to Cheshire this summer to spend time with my family, and rebuild my own relationships with my parents. But she is so hesitant to break out of her funk. I have suggested going out for icecream. Going on a walk on the bikepath. Going to a local classical music concert. She rejected every one. "I want to spend time with my Mommy," she would say. And I would silently agree with this sentiment, and then wonder why her time with her mother was so much more important than her time with me.

Maybe I am being selfish and unreasonable. She wants to spend time with her ailing mother before she runs out of time. But I don't think she's letting herself live. I'm worried she has fallen in a funk and it's not one I know how to get her out of.