I Would Like Your Digits

Tomorrow is the first day of classes. I am excited, and also confused. What the hell happened to summer? It really did fly by, and I can't believe tomorrow I will be getitng the syllabi and the schpeils. Craziness.

I spent the last few days exactly how I wanted to spend them. When I wasn't working, I spent every moment I could with my friends. Catching up, planning for the school year and learning that I am basically the one in my group that is still single. JOY!

I'm currently at Goldstein doing laundry, as my landlord is a douche and doesn't seem to care our laundry machine is broken. Whilst Facebook stalking old flames and new, Royce told me that I have a type. I was confused. I've dated a bunch of people and though they do seem to have similar qualities, I didn't really think I could qualify them under a type. To prove this to myself, I stalked a little more and popped up a whole bunch of Facebook windows. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. They not only looked eerily similar, but they also looked like they could be brothers. Inwardly freaking out, I then discovered they all had similer interests, past times and music tastes.

The one thing that really bothers me about this, is I wonder if I am persuing the same guy over and over again. The first guy I ever liked that was under that type- am I just looking for him again? Is that a futile search? Or is it one of those weird primal instinct kind of things? Confusing.

The Waiting Game

In a few hours, some of my best friends that I haven't seen in months will be in my apartment, drinking and hanging out just like any SU night. I'm excited, nervous (even though we kept the guest list small I don't want my apartment getting trashed) and I just really feel like summer is over.

I felt it a lot the other night when I had my last night at the restaurant. Sure the actual job itself wasn't very summery- but it was a summer mindset. I was carefree and flippant about friendships and the work environment. I knew it was temporary, I knew it was fading, and I didn't really care. Most of the time, I never really felt like I acted like myself when I was there. I just put on the smile, sat the people, made small talk and went home. It's hard to explain, but it was provisional.

The Dome work has been long and stressful, and seriously emotional. It's hard to not be yourself when you are there most of the time, and I can't really tell how much I like that. We are surrounded by no one but each other 80% of the time in a seriously hot arena doing mostly horrifyingly boring busy work for 12 hours straight. You get frustrated, tired, and just on edge. Not to mention it's been a chaotic week anyways- as I have been attempting to find student loans and get ready for the semester.

But anyways, I'm excited for the evening. I missed my friends, and I need SOMEthing in my life. Some drama, excitement, change and good spontaneous fun. And my friends are always good for that. It's going to be a hard semester, work wise and school wise. But I feel good things for myself. I've got a lot to work on with myself, and I'm finally learning how to do so.

Sorry if this post was rambling, I of course got ready an hour before scheduled. At least I wasted some time. Woot! Let's get drunk (just kidding mom, if you read this).

A Note on the Crumbling of 21st Century Psychological Prowess

mike is a whore.

comments? questions? concerns?

STD complaints?

Obligatory

What I'll Miss Most About Summer:

1. Taking Public Transportation Every Damn Day

I won't really miss this that much, but I cannot deny it was an eye opening experience. SU is really such a damn college bubble. The city is a grimy, dirty and scary place filled with grimier, dirtier and much scarier people. Oh well, at least I don't feel like an ignorant college kid anymore.

2. Nightly BFF time with Mickey

Okay, I'm still going to hang out with Mickey during the semester, don't get me wrong. But I will miss the literal NIGHTLY hang out sessions, usually after I got out of work and was probably horrible smelling and pissed off. Thanks for dealing with me mickers.

3. The Quietness of SU's campus

It is absolutely ridiculous how much this place changes when it is not bursting with life. It felt peaceful, lonely and surreal. I am fearful that when everyone gets back I'm going to get really overwhelmed with the amount of life around me, and superly overprotective of campus to the point where I become a crazy bag lady. I guess that was bound to happen anyways.

4. Wearing clothing that didn't involve layers.

Syracuse is actually a fucking boiling pot. Who knew? I figured it out when I was required to wear all black (for various jobs) basically EVERY DAY in 90 degree weather. However, it was better than a down jacket and long jonhs- my winter outfit.

5. Tweeting to make my life sound more interesting.

By no means am I done with my Twitter. but I worry my tweets will be more informative than crazy and emo and well thought out, as I will actually have things to talk about. For instance, "Going out with the girls!" Instead of "A skunk committed suicide outside of my window. What does that even mean?"

What I'm Looking Forward To Next Semester:

1. Royce Coming Back, Hell, everyone coming back

Though I love my summer crew, I can't wait until my real friends come back (ha-ha). And let's face it, I suck living on my own. I miss my roommate. I miss talking to things that actually talked back.

2. Not working at the Restaurant anymore

Okay, I didn't completely hate it. The place was definitely a learning experience, to say the least. I liked, and will miss, a lot of the people who work there and the 15% discount was decent. I think it was just the whole, "It sucked the soul and happiness out of my life and made me a racist pessimist" thing.

3. APO

If I don't kill myself attempting to plan rush, it's going to be a damn good year for us. I'm excited about the e-board, and hopefully I will take on another little. (Not to mention those non-APO affiliated parties are pretty friggin kickass)

4. Being an Upperclassman

Though I'm terrified that I'm more than half-way done with college, I'm pretty ready to be seen as a big kid. Plus, I can start planning career goals without the pressure of a senior, start slacking off because my core requirements are pretty much out of the way, and yell FRESHMENNN when I drunkenly walk down Euclid.

5. Getting Back to the Grind

The best thing (and worst thing) about summer is that it's fleeting. As relaxing and recharging as it is, it's got a shelf life. And this summer reached it. I had a great one, not because of my location but because of the people here with me. When I told people I had the option of staying in Syracuse or going home to Vermont (where I knew no one), people seemed dumbfounded when I said I wanted to stay here. But it's the people who make a place, not the scenery. ((lame))

10 Signs I Need to Get Laid

A few days ago, I posted a link on my Twitter page to a Cosmo article. Initially when I posted the link I planned on writing in the blog about my changed view of Cosmo. I thought the article was crappy, untrue and a little degrading. My opinions have since changed.

A preview:

10 Signs You Are Way Too Good for Him

Here at Cosmo we kinda hate to see fabulous women dating total d-bags — something we’ve been obsessing about even more since seeing MTV’s hot new show, Is She Really Going Out with Him? So we created this loser cheat sheet: If your “new guy” exhibits any of these not-so-redeeming qualities...well, just don’t say we didn’t warn you.

That's just the headline and catch line. The article goes on to explain how every guy that cries during movies to the guy that has dated your close acquaintances (can we say, player?) should be shot and killed immediately. But it does, in an earnest and sarcastic way, make you go back and think about the people you've dated.

To be honest, I think the most screwed up thing about the article, the thing that really makes me furious, is that I'VE DATED ALL OF THESE GUYS. Okay, maybe not exactly all of them, but the qualities ring true in a good number of my exes. And maybe it is some sort of psychological issue that I seriously need to address in therapy, but I never really saw any of them as "losers".

Something I've realized a lot about myself recently is that I am a person who is constantly looking for the good in others. I absolutely refuse to accept that there are just plain bad people out there. Call me green, color me an idiot, but it is a philosophy that gets me by. The thing is, I do this in relationships too. I could be dating Mr. Douchebag 2009 and I will still appreciate his seldom good deeds.

Is this a flaw? Do I need to take off the rose colored glasses and start looking for people who match none of the qualities on the article's list? Or should I stick to my less than stellar dating history and look for the good guy locked inside the one who is no good for me?

I really don't know. But thanks Cosmo, maybe I need to start thinking about it.

My Bucket List

I am mad at myself.

For stagnation.

It's ridiculous. I've been on this path for myself- not one that was forced upon me by my parents, or by society, but one which I created at a much too young age. I was sure about it- I wrote about it in a previous blog. I wanted the cool NYC apartment, the cool job, the unbelievably perfectly sweet/handsome/dorky boyfriend- basically, the Cosmo! lifestyle.

I'm not even saying I don't still want that lifestyle. My fascination with all things sex/beauty/celebrity combined with a love of writing has actually proven this dream could be a reality. In fact, I am seriously considering applying to jobs at Conde Nast and Hearst and maybe becoming that Cosmo woman.

But I never really stopped and considered anything else. I had this conversation tonight with Mickey and Noah about travelling, and living the dream. The boys' dreams had a little too much California surfing and beach bunnies for my taste, but I started thinking of my own. I have long wanted to go to Australia at some point in my life- and I am now determined to make that a reality. I'm thinking I might apply for jobs there after senior year and just try living there, and trying my luck with foreign press. Still in the early stages- but something I'm thinking about it.

In order to give myself some direction. So without further adieu....

Frankie's "Bucket List"

1. Travel to Australia and Venice

Australia is the dream. Venice I want to go to with my dad. He's always talked about going, and I would love to see it.

2. Swim in the Pacific

Unacceptable, right? I haven't even been west of Pennsylvania.

3. Learn how to cook very well

I love Lean Cuisine and Barilla as much as the next girl, but....

4. Go up in a hot air balloon

Blame Up! And I need to cure my fear of heights.

5. Own a Shar Pei

Say what you will. One day, one of those wrinkly little bastards will be mine!

6. Live in NYC for at least a year

I need to be fiercely independent. I also need to learn how to accept humanity in all forms.

7. Own a Nissan Altima

This should be unsurprising to anyone who has had at least one conversation with me.

8. See a Broadway play

Also unacceptable. I won't be picky, but I need to see at least one.

9. Get drunk off of Champagne

I like the idea of a "Classy Blackout"

10. Get something I've written published.

Ideally it would be my poetry, but we'll see how ballsy I get.

11. Dance to Frank Sinatra with a man I really love.

Michael Bublé will suffice as well. I guess I do still have a romantic side left in there.

Please post your own. I would love to read them.

Crashing

Writing with the ominous thought of working in 6 and 1/2 hours. Totally not even tired. I feel as if this blog is becoming more of a day-by-day sleep journal opposed to a deep and compelling piece of literature.

Oh well, what are you going to do?

For anyone in the area, you'll have noticed we've been hit with a series of terrible thunderstorms. I don't know how many out there hate them or love them. I love them for the sounds and the excitement, hate them for the driving and the unfortunate fact that everyone comes in to eat at a restaurant when it's storming. As I have not been at work and I don't really drive very much, the thunderstorms shouldn't really be bothering me. But they have been.

Ever since I was little, there was a little part of me that was terrified of thunderstorms. It would be me and my dog, hiding out under my bed or desk, camping out until the storm passed. My brother and sister would laugh and make fun of me while I cowered worse than the dog and they would stand outside and dance in the rain.

I decided to dance in the rain one day- it must have been about 6 summers ago. I was home alone in the old house in Connecticut, and I thought I should conquer my fear. I wanted to go out and appreciate the natural beauty of nature- to see what the big fuss was all about. To realize that the things that scare you the most are the things that are usually most worthwhile to do.

I stood out for about 5 minutes before I ran back inside. I'm still scared shitless of thunderstorms.

Ommit

Well, I'm leaving tomorrow morning, bright and early (my day of travelling will begin at 7:30 and the bus will get into Syracuse around 4:30. If I can't get someone to pick me up, I will have to wait for a bus until approximately midnight, so there's that.

It's been a lot of fun here. I didn't even get frustrated and pissed off until this evening, and that was only because my mom and I were doing the endlessly horrifying task of applying for a $14,000 loan with no decent cosigner. Shoot me. We've still had no luck, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I figure even if I can't afford to pay for next year, I'll still have the apartment so I will just party with everyone and chill in the cubicle anyways. Like I do anything else besides that anyways.

In more blog worthy news, I talked to a reallllly old friend of mine tonight. I mean, we're talking ties since middle school. He was one of my first "boyfriends" (I think our relationship consisted of holding hands and maybe even pecking once- give me a break, it was seventh grade) and we remained really close afterwards. He dealt with a lot of issues in high school and got involved in kind of a bad scene, so we just sort of slowly lost contact. I don't think I had heard from him in about a year when I randomly got a call from an unrecognized number this evening. He's involved in a program to get stuff back together, and making amends with me was a part of it. It was so great to talk to someone I hadn't realized I'd missed as much as I had, and amazing to hear that I still mattered that much to him. We talked about all the random nonsense, caught up and reminisced. And I thought Wow, this is a person who said, "Fran, we're going to be friends. You know you're going to get a call from me in 10 years and it'll be like nothing's change." And here we are.

Things have changed, obviously. I don't think either of our lives went where we thought they were going to go in seventh grade, and the both of us have probably effed up our lives enough that our seventh grade selves feel like forever ago, but it was true. We are still close, and we are both starting to see the silver lining.

Maybe going back to Syracuse tomorrow won't be so bad.

The Sweetness

I came home to Burlington two nights ago, and it's been pretty great so far. The fights have been minimal, the sun has been shining, and it's just really good to be with the family. Not to mention it's lovely to actually have food in the cabinets. And to have someone respond when I talk to myself. I guess living on my own has been starting to get to me.

The first night I got here, mom, Liz and I went out to the Vermont Pub and Brewery for some good food. Mom had a few margaritas and got really drunk and sufficiently entertaining. Liz drank a bit too, so I was the designated driver. Normally, I would hate this but my mom was hillarious. She is the loviest drunk I have ever met. I finally understand where I get my "friendliness" from. We stayed at the restaurant for hours just talking and relaxing.

Yesterday, my sister, her friend Becky and her boyfriend Jarett and I went to the beach, and then a Vermont Lake Monsters game. Tell me, is that not the most sexual name EVER for a minor, minor league baseball team? Lake Monsters? No?

Then tonight, we celebrated my dad's birthday- which was actually yesterday but he had to work- and went to a restaurant called Souza's. Let me just say OH MY GODDD. It's this Brazilian Steakhouse where they have this unbelievable appeteizer bar and soup courses, and then they come around with skewers with every sort of meat you could possibly imagine- 14, FOURTEEN, kinds of meat. You take what you want and it just keeps coming. Filet mingon, turkey and Vermont Maple bacon, shrimp, pork chops, I could go on. And then there's a desert table. Best. Meal. Ever. After that we went out to the lakfront just to catch the sunset, it was beautiful.

We might be moving from Burlington (long story for a different blog) but I am going to miss this place. It has made my family so much closer, and it is just a genuinely gorgeous place. I feel at home here.

Okay sorry that was a long one. Off to have some drinks, maybe play some Scrabble?