And That is What it Takes

Just ordered Chinese food for one. Now watching Grey's Anatomy, waiting for my food- and I just finished my homework for tomorrow.

I have found my niche.

It has taken longer this semester than before to get comfortable. To figure out my schedule and get a feel for what this semester is going to be like. I felt myself falling behind in the first week- I forgot folders, slacked on assignments, didn't even give my all to a digital project that normally I would go apeshit over.

I am not entirely sure what I can blame this on. It could have been the abnormally stressful work week, the lingering disappointment over my new APO life, the horror of trying to balance my social life and my relationship- a seemingly impossible task by the way. I guess maybe it was a bunch of things.

So apologies for not updating my blog. Apologies if we got back to school more than a week ago and I still haven't seen you. Apologies if I seem distracted, or distant, or like I don't know what I am doing. There is a ton I need to accomplish this semester, a ton I would love to accomplish, and a ton I need to basically get through.

I just need to find my way back into the groove.

Dramatizing the Un-Dramatic

Life has been surprisingly normal.

Some normal, expected things that have happened:

1. I went to the gym for about a good 2 weeks, then stopped.

2. I already started drifting off in the middle of one of my classes... on the first day.

3. I ran into an ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend when I looked like total crap.

4. I cleaned 2,000 salad forks, 300 creamer pitchers, organized 300 baskets of tea and sugar baskets, and then subsequently decided I hate my job again.

5. I went to the cubicle hoping people would be there, but alas, the class of 2009 was nowhere to be seen. Nor was the abroad lady that I already miss. Or even the people I would have actually hoped would be there.

See? Normal. No drama. I always joke around with my roommate about how freaking dramatic my life is. Usually I have some crazy boy dilemma, or I'm dealing with issues from home or something just strangely dramatic happens. Not so much recently. I'm going to class, hanging out with my friends, going to work... being normal.

So why does it feel so mundane?

I've had this constant fear for most of my life that I am a drama queen. And okay, I like a healthy dose of gossip. Especially that of the celebrity variety. But who doesn't? And I do have a tendency to put myself in awkward situations, but I think that's more just because I am an awkward person, rather than me secretly self-sabotaging. I cite a Cute is What We Aim For song lyric to explain this further... "Drama doesn't follow me/It rides on my back." Good song, by the way. Download that one.

Maybe I am dramatic. Afterall, I was an actress for a little while back there in high school. And I am a writer- and as we know, writers LOVE to get inspiration from life events, especially dark and depressing ones. And I have always been emotional, so I guess dramatics usually fall in line with being an emotional person. So maybe being dramatic isn't all that bad? If I'm a drama queen, at least that means I can find ways to entertain myself and keep it all from being so mundane, right?

Regardless, hopefully some interesting things will happen sometime soon, so at least I will have something to blog about ;)

xx

The Realities

Alto Cinco turned into Taco Bell and a post coming soon turned into "not much to say before a golden globes viewing party."

I'm happy that everyone is coming back to Syracuse, really happy. But the reality of some situations is starting to set in. The reality that this is my last semester with some of my best friends. The reality that some of the friends I've made are gone already. The reality that in just one more year, I will be entering into my last semester here, and the reality that life continues to go on.

The reason I'm feeling this way is because I got a call from my mom this morning being all, "I was watching a movie with a college graduation and started crying thinking about how this would be you and me next year!" Insane...

This semester is going to be great. I'm making it great- it's happening.

Why to Not

Post coming soon. For now... Alto Cinco!

Enlightened I Believe

Just finished devouring the Lost Symbol by Dan Brown.

I cannot deny he is one of my favorite authors to read- I get transformed into a different world when I read those novels. I feel scared, excited, nervous and eager to understand. Something about them makes me devour his 500 pages in two days- 400 of which were read today.

Perhaps I'm just really bored being stuck back in Vermont.

Complicated story short: Mom moved to CT, dad is getting transferred from his job in a few weeks. Have house up here until March. Brother is going back to college next week. Sister is moving out Thursday to her own place in VT- the day I go back to Syracuse.

I only just got back from my CT visit yesterday. Already, it feels like it's time to be on the move again. I'm not sure if I reached a certain age where I just can't live with my family anymore, or my tolerance just decreased when I distanced myself, but it's just sooo hard living with these people now.

I think this is mostly because I am just really different from the lot of them. The mostone: I like to keep things moderately clean, moderately organized. The rest of them don't really care about that, so they throw all their crap everywhere and wait for someone else to deal with it. I just get claustrophobic when the house is too messy or when things aren't where they are supposed to be. Lord knows where I inherited this from. noticable

Generally, when I come home I just want to be left alone. I want to do my own thing, and relax. Sadly, my family has no intention of letting me do that. Finding the time to read Dan Brown undisturbed turned into more of an elaborate game of hide and seek than anything. I eventually ended up doing most of my reading in the downstairs bathroom- let them assume what they want.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I would defend them until the end of time, and will always come "home" (wherever it is home may be at the time) to be with them. These home trips just might be shorter at the end of the day, in order to keep myself moderately sane. As sane as you can be as a Merwin.

Sans Scripta

This has been the laziest week of my life. I think it's safe to say that this vacation was meant to be a restful one, but I need to start becoming an active member of society again. This is kind of killing me.

An interesting life update:

I found my blog from when I was about 15 years old. Ridiculous stuff. My old livejournal account where I would literally give a recap of my day and gush about the boy(s) I liked. Highly, highly, embarrassing and highly, highly entertaining. It made me remember a lot of things I had attempted blocking out, and a lot of things I was sad I had forgotten. I'm debating whether or not to post the link here, I don't think I'm ballsy enough to do it though.

It made me think about this blog, and whether I am going to look back on it in 5-10 years and think I sounded like an idiot. Chances are, I probably will. Hopefully the writing is a little better now in this blog than it was in my livejournal days, and maybe the subject matter is just a tiny bit deeper. I think I can safely say I have not once used this blog as a way to post meaningless online quizzes and surveys, or to recap about why my day SUCKED because my dad forgot to pick up my favorite grinder from Denmo's. Regardless, interesting thing to think about. I guess I better start trying harder on these blog entries if I want to make it something good that I can remember in the future.

The Clanking of Crystal.

Happy New Years everyone!

It's been an insane decade to say the least. I am glad to say that I survived the Oh-Oh's (My self appointed nickname for the last decade).

I can remember the Holiday Party I went to in 2000. It was my mom's friends house. There were about 10 kids my age there- no one I knew and/or liked. I fell asleep before midnight, and by the time I woke up- the millennium had appeared without noticeable change in my life. It was a shitty way to welcome such a milestone. But I survived, I suppose.

I made it through middle and high school, obsessions with Backstreet Boys and Eminem. Movie crazes like Finding Nemo and Star Wars. The Twilight and Harry Potter sagas. The Y2K meltdown. The twin towers attack. The wars. The peace. The familial drama and the transitions from middle to high school to college. I survived! So there's something.

I could not have rang in the 10's (that one needs work) better. Alex came down and picked me up in Connecticut, where I had been staying. I got to show him a little taste of CT life (like the Brass Mill Mall! Ooooh!) and got to give him his amazing present that I have been talking about for weeks.

The magical present? A glass pineapple. See, he has a strange obsession with pineapples (I do not question such things), and one of the first nights we hung out- before we became an "item" as my mom likes to say- he told me about this glass one he really wanted. Acquiring said pineapple would require possible school expulsion, so I instead got him an imitation. The gift went over well, I'm happy to say. As far as I know, it is still sitting in the coffee cup holder in his car- which is fine with me. I like knowing it's there.

We headed to Poughkeepsie, NY, to go to our friend Mike's house. It was an amazing evening. We drank, ate tons of food (filet mignon? yes please!), hung out in the hot tub, and were just generally merry. The group was reunited, and it felt good. I loved being surrounded by people who cared about me, and with no B.S. It was so simple, so easy, so right.

Sadly, we separated the next morning. A trip to a local diner completed a fantastic New Years. After a few hours of dawdling, we parted ways. It was sad, but it made me so excited for next semester. Everything is so solid right now. It feels good

So I'm ready for the 10's. I'm ready to graduate college. To see where my love life goes. To see if Lady Gaga goes the way of Britney Spears as far as mental breakdowns go. To see if we can survive 2012.

I'm ready. I started this one off right. :)