Happy Christmas, Errbody

I have resorted to saying Happy Christmas, because that's how they do it in Harry Potter- and I have decided a Harry Potter world is far better than a Muggl-I mean, our world.

This post is dedicated to loot, looking ahead, and lots of other things that don't begin with "loo". Cindy LooHoo will not be mentioned.

The Winnings:

A sick pair of sunglasses and a sweater from my sister. CA-CHING!

Slippers from grandma

Tons and tons of cute sweaters from Mom (Much appreciated sweaters, clothing was all I really wanted)

One of those sweet dog-ear winter hats to keep me warm in Cuse from my brother

A gift card to Barnes and Noble from my dad

A year-long subscription to Cosmopolitan from my half sister. Somewhat of an accidental gift, as it was a regift because she does not read Cosmo,- but I'll take it!

Looking ahead:

I cannot wait for New Years. Much anticipated boyfriend gift (as well as giving him the amazing gift I have been dying over for weeks) will happen, and that will be a good blog- not to mention I'm going to an actual New Years party with actual people that are not my family. Hallelujah.

I'm also leaving for Connecticut tomorrow. It will be a long, 5 hour trip with my more-annoying-than-ever grandma and my mom, as well as my grandma's piggish like basset hound Fordice (I am not making this up). But I am happy to see my friends, and spend some time with my other sister and her son.

Strange though. This is probaby my last time at this house in Vermont. We moved here exactly two years ago, and I was pissed. I wanted to come home from college, being a second semester freshman, to a HOME. With friends, people I knew, cared about. I knew nobody in Vermont. Everytime I came here I felt lonely.

But I am so happy we moved in retrospect. I spent a lot of time here relaxing, figuring out who I was when nobody was around me to persuade me otherwise, and letting go of some childhood tendencies. It's a beautiful place that doesn't try to be beautiful- doesn't try to make you grow up and get out- it just does.

I'm sure I'll be back here. In about 4 months I'll be back here to help my sister welcome a new life into this world. And I'll be here as a visitor. The place that was only my home for a short period of time will not be home anymore. But it will always be that place that helped me move on when I was a scared college freshman and thought I couldn't handle it. The place that gave me separation from my ex-boyfriend when I needed it most. The place that made my mom happy and at peace with this world.

I suggest everyone take a trip to Burlington at some point. It's really a gorgeous place here.

Merry- no, Happy Christmas

xx

Chronicles (Continued)

I told you I would keep you posted....

Monday afternoon- Wednesday Evening

I have done absolutely nothing.

Tally of Activity:

Movies watched:

He's Just Not that Into You (again)

Josie and the Pussycats

Love Actually

a bit of Slumdog Millionaire

Median Wake Up Time:

1:45 p.m.

Food consumed:

Full turkey dinner

Mom's homemade lasagna

Christmas Cookies

Plenty of Rum Balls to help get me by

Games of solitaire played:

34

Times I have wanted to snap at my grandmother/father/mother/sister/annoying beagle:

2349203598239058239502

Christmas presents bought/left to buy:

3/5

Times I wished I was back in Syracuse:

2349203598239058239503

That's all I've got for now.

Insights and beyond

Ahh, going home for the holidays. That crazy time of year when everyone drops every commitment to get hassled by your family, freak out by gift giving, and eat all the homemade cookies you can stuff in your face. Is it not like that for everyone?

Well, here is a timeline treat about how going home for the holidays is for Frankie Merwin.

Sunday afternoon-

Realize sister's incredibly amazing perk of flying anywhere for free is moot. If Frankie wants to be home by Christmas, or even New Years, it will not be by an airplane. Thus ensues Operation Rescue: my brother and father decide to make the 10 hour treck (5 hours each way) to pick me up in Syracuse and deliver me safely back to Burlington.

Sunday evening-

Casually mention to boyfriend that father and brother will be in town in a few hours, if he is interested in meeting them. Boyfriend startlingly agrees without hesitation. Try desperately to warn said boyfriend, to no avail. Tell boyfriend that I am not worried that my father will be hard to impress or that my father will not like him, but rather I am worried my father will make an ass out of himself and my brother will terrify boyfriend with death threats, and boyfriend will run screaming.

Sunday evening, continued

Father does make an ass out of himself. Decides to bring up my ex-boyfriend and how in love with him I was. Brother starts hysterically laughing. I desperately try to regain any credibility and dignity I could muster.

Besides this snafu, meet-and-greet goes well. We eat at Dorian's, and everyone bonds over movies and making noises out of old video games. Brother and boyfriend even go on 30 minute tangent about music and why each other's tastes in bands absolutely suck.

After dinner, we say our goodbyes. Awkwardly try to have a heartfelt goodbye, but brother and father are staring at us. ugh

Sunday evening, perhaps Monday morning

Arrive in Burlington at about 1 in the morning. Stay up until about 2 a.m. waiting for my sister to get home to see her awesome pregnant belly. The moment arrives- she still looks like she has a 6 pack. I decide that if she is 4 and a half months pregnant, than I am about 6 by comparison. FML.

Finally drift off to sleep around 4. Wake up at 5 to see my mom and the beagle have come to cuddle with me. Life is good.

Today

Wake up around 2:30 in the afternoon. Grandma, who is staying here until Christmas and probably the one person in this world dislike immensely, decides to greet me by bitching about the state of the house. I try to explain to her I just got home last night after not being here for about 5 months, and therefore have no control over how clean this house is. Grandma grumbles and goes off to do whatever it is that angry 87 year old women do.

Spend the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing... and here we are.

Thanks for listening. More chronicles later.

xx

Less than Stellar

Elections came and went... and I lost. Please feel free to leave tons of comments of support and general condolences. I do love the pity parties. ;)

That was mostly a joke, I promise.

I think it's just so amazing how... tired I am. What a draining process. It's possible this tiredness also is coming from a fully day of elections, an evening of drinking and then having to wake up this morning to work for 9 hours at 8 a.m. But maybe it was the elections.

I still love the chapter, I still want to be a brother, but things just feel weird now. I thought people overreacted in the past when they lost at an election- and maybe I am overreacting- but it's hard to deal with the thought of not being on e-board, the thought that a majority did not see you the same way you did. Does that make sense? I'm not leaving the chapter by any means, and I know that it is more than capable hands, but I think I need to reevaluate my place in it a little bit to make things work. To keep myself feeling as happy as I have been lately.

The whole process was/is strange. Strange and draining. I think I might use this semester as a recharge semester. One maybe where I can put college in terms outside of APO. The frat really has been my life- so when I think college I think APO. Maybe I need to separate the two? Move forward? Keep on keeping on?

I don't know. I'm just exhausted. It's all finals, elections, and drama right now. I think it's nap time. And I think break is coming at a very opportune moment.

With a Clear Eye

I'm sitting in the Link Computer lab working on a powerpoint presentation for this Saturday. I finished what I can get done for tonight, but the damn butterflies won't go away. I am nervous- I will admit it. I think I just care so much about this organization, and I care so much about being a part of it, that it is starting to make me nervous thinking about it being in the hands of anyone else. I think time shall tell on that one- in fact, I will know in less than a week.
It is something I can deal with, losing. As long as it means losing to a person who will really do a better job than me. And if that is what my brothers want, then I am okay with it. I will not go inactive or freak out, or disown everything I've worked at. I will keep my head up, because I don't know how not to be a part of the chapter. Weird to think about though.
I think I'm really starting to understand timing. People have their moments- it's a fact of life. I discussed it a little in a prior post and it seems to be a theme of the semester. I really have been having my moment. My friends have become more than best friends, I'm doing more than decently in my classes, I had a great semester with my frat, and I've got this amazing guy to hold and kiss me at the end of the day. And I really don't need anything more than that.
If it is not my moment to take on the head of APO, that means it is someone else's moment, someone who might need it more than I do.

This post is not me giving up. I am working my ass off to become the next president because I want it, and I think I would do the best at the job. I am just ready for anything, and I am ready to prove to the world (okay, not that far) that I want this not because I deserve something good- but because I really care. I really friggin care. And I will fight off nerves and sour thoughts, because that is what it will take. Bring it on, Saturday :)

xx

A Cold Room

Nothing deep was meant by that blog post title. My room is literally freezing. That's what that was all about.

I could talk about, in this blog post, a lot of things.

I could talk about how I just finished a paper I procrastinated on *badly* on childhood beauty pageants- and how I am mildly disgusted with the whole thing.

I could talk about how I feel a little guilty because I saw Star Trek the other night and was fascinated by it- sorry for calling you Trekkies losers.

I could talk about how I am overjoyed with my brand spankin' new boyfriend- how I am being treated legitimately well and how I found someone I can connect so much with. I could talk about that. And trust me, I would.

I could talk about how I am listening to John Mayer's CD finally- and it is living up to what everyone has been saying.

I could talk about how I got a new cellphone- and am more than happy to revert back to the crappiness that is track-phone technology (It's a flip phone!)

I could talk about any one of those things.

Instead, I talk about my cold room.

Goodnight America. Send me your phone numbers :)