With this Ring

I went to a wedding this weekend, as a lot of you know. It was gorgeous, and actually the first real wedding I had ever been to. Of course, I got nice and emotional and teary at points, and the couple is one of those couples you are so sure is going to be with each other forever to a point where it's sickening, and that was amazing. Watching them get married was just so right and so real, I loved it.

It made me think about commitment a lot. Ask someone today what kind of relationship they're in or looking for and they'll probably say, "It's complicated."

Love their significant other, but they're not "The One"

The significant other is "The One" but they're scared

Not ready to be tied down

Not ready to settle down

Not ready to settle

Living the single life

Living the closeted gay life

Looking for a one night stand

Looking for a sex buddy

Looking for a "Kind of sort of significant exclusive non-exclusive other"

We're together. We're dating. We're in love. We're seeing each other.

I had an ex once say to me we were "existing" while we were exclusively dating. There's so many terms- so many ways to bring yourself out and keep yourself safe. To keep one foot out of it. Everyone is so damn afraid that they cannot even take the time to realize that maybe we should take out all of the funny words and confusing lingo- and just start communicating with each other.

So as I celebrate two of my friends taking the plunge this week, I vote we all try being honest with ourselves, and with the people we care about. Communicate. Give a hug?

xx

Young and All Around Stupid

Mirroring off a friend of mine's blog, I am a strong believer in fate. Timing, circumstance, kairos (there's a $50,000 a year word!), all of it. I think we are meant to discover certain things, learn certain ideas and feel certain emotions. I think we get choice in how we interpret our fate. How we choose to let these crucial moments play a part in our lives. I always say that people should never let "life happen to them", and when I say that I mean never let fate get the best of you. Try, interpret, learn and be happy. Make mistakes.

I went home this weekend and had some heart to hearts with some people I'm close with here. One of them was telling me about how she is back with her boyfriend on a "friends with benefits" type level. Mind you an ex-boyfriend who her whole family/friend group hates immensely, and who caused her much more emotional pain than I had ever seen her in. We were all so happy when she had finally gotten the courage to end it with him, and told her she was better off. And here she is now, still entertaining the idea of him, still making the mistake. She even said that to me. "Let me make my own mistakes. I know it is, but I'm okay with that. I'm the one who has to live with it at the end of the day."

Forget my views on friends with benefits for the moment. Different post for a different day. But what about her "let me make my own mistakes" outlook? I know I have shared those views before. Stayed in relationships I knew were wrong, dated people my friends and family could not stand, had summer flings that would never really make me happy- and I just viewed it as me being young and stupid. I saw it as me making a mistake, experiencing something new, getting burned, but gaining experience.

The key is I don't know if I can really sit here and say these bad decisions bettered me. I don't know if I could say I learned a valuable lesson and the older I get, the less willing I am to screw shit up. I don't think I regret any of it though. Making spontaneous and stupid is just part of who I am- and I know it's part of who my friend is. We're just like that. It's possible these mistakes just help us hone just how spontaneous and stupid we can be, and what we can get away with. We're testing the limits of ourselves- we're just doing it through a relationship.

So that is what I mean. It's not about the experiences themselves, but what you take out of them. Whether you choose to better yourself as a person, teach yourself a lesson, or just continue to be young and stupid. I think I'll choose option C for a while.

Your Lovin Gives Me a Thrill, But Your Lovin Don't Pay My Bills...

I've left you all waiting in anticipation for far too long. A blog about sex, dating, friendship quarrels, etc.? I'm sure you're all excited. Without further ado...

Do you have any idea how many of life's problems revolve around money?

I've been a broke college student bordering on 2 and a half years now, and a broke regular person for the other 17 years. And it is a matter of shock and awe to realize how many of my problems would be solved if I had some cash. Okay, I'm not saying money solves all problems. Look at all these train wreck celebrities and million dollar murders. But really.

A good friend of mine's boyfriend just offfered to wire her money "for the little things- just in case." He didn't want her to feel like money was a problem, and took it upon himself to show her how much he cared. She accepted, and the money was sent. She saw it as her guy taking care of her and being a respectable man. Though we joke about it, is this okay? Would we want that held over our heads? Is this... whoring? ha-ha

What about that time I went to a sex shop with an ex and didn't have the cash to afford the real champion products? I will admit home-made could probably suffice in this category, but nonetheless, I walked out disappointed. This disappointment usually only came after sex- NOT before, so that was upsetting by itself. And hey, couldn't this be considered a damper on my sex life? Experimentation= bonding with your partner. Better sex life= happier people. Look at that, I just dicked myself over by not being able to afford edible underwear. You are a cruel, cruel world.

And for those of you souls in long distance relationships- money is the constant Catch. You have to worry about paying for flights/other transportation, phone bills, new outfits, activities while your visiting/everything else when you see your long lost lover- and all of that could add up. I feel like a lot of the time long distance relationships don't work, it is because someone decides that the effort is not worth the reward- and the relationship is caput. Maybe it's just a better way of determining whether you are happy in the relationship or not early on, or maybe it kills the relationship before you even had a chance to start.

Throw some back at me. I want this new blog to be more reader focused as well. Tell me your own experiences and how money has played a role in your love lives. Post anonymously for the pansies and prudes out there...

Frankie

xxx

P.S. This blog was only half serious. Don't get too offended.

Changing My Angle

I'm considering revamping this blog. Instead of the meaningless day to day thoughts I have, I was thinking I might turn it into a blog with focus. Maybe dating/sex focused. My own little crappy attempt at being the next Carrie Bradshaw. I feel like I have enough drama in my own love life, and enough drama in the love life of friends, and enough drama that I hear on the streets and could totally illegally write about it, where it might not be that bad of an idea. If I can't do enough with the dating/sex thing, I might add personal relationships too.

People always say to write what you know/care about, and let's be honest: I care about three things: Sex, Celebrity Gossip and Food. Since no one wants to hear about my celebrity gossip addictions (Brian Littrell of BSB fame has swine flu!) and just because I care about food doesn't mean I know anything about it. But I think interpersonal relationships might be my strong point. So there that is.

I'm probably going to use pseudonyms and not clarify 100% of the time exactly who I am talking about as to protect identities, I think it'll be a good idea.

So send your stories over. Let me know so I can develop some good angles. Love you all. Let's get steamy :)